Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
