apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
