I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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