Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
