you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
