Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
