i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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