Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
