they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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