I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
