I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
