I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
