i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize