My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize