HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
