I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
