the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
