Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
