i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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