my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
