i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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