eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
People in love make me want to vomit
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
