Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
