I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
