I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
