now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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