My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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