im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
