fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
