Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
