OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
