Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
