Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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