got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
