Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
