Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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