I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
