Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
