They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
