I think I died a long time ago.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
