Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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