She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
