O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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