A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You did what with his pubic hair?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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