she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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