why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
