Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
