shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
