I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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