just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
