I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
