its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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