I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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