even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
