It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
