I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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