Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
