Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
