"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
