OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize