So drunk its hurt
I just saw a hot homeless man
are you so shy because you have an std?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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