Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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