I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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