Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She even gives head with a lisp.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
