I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
