those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
