Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
